Beauty Break Problems

Beauty Break 1 thek9harperlee

The days are longer. Temperatures are rising. Vacations are starting. And I think we all know just exactly what that means.

Beauty Break 3 thek9harperlee

The dreaded driveway bath season has begun. I was forced to endure my first humiliating driveway bath of the year this past weekend. Honestly, is there anything more embarrassing? I tried my very best to look as dignified as I possibly could . . . under the circumstances . . . but I could feel the stares and hear the laughter of the neighbors as they walked and bicycled by.

Beauty Break 4 thek9harperlee

I even tried to close my eyes and make myself invisible, but I don’t think it worked.

Beauty Break 5 thek9harperlee

Now, my human mommy tries to convince me that the driveway bath is even harder on her than it is on me. She says that bending over and sudsing me up really hurts her back. She says that I have a tendency to inch away from her, so she keeps having to pull me back. She says that I have a very bad habit of shaking and spraying water all over her. And then she complains about having to wash all of my beds and towels after the humiliating driveway bath has ended.

Beauty Break 6 thek9harperlee

Really, Mommy? Really? Try standing in the middle of the driveway naked looking like a wet rat with suds all over you while neighbors stop and gawk . . . and then we’ll talk. Until then, I know exactly how we can solve all of our beauty break problems. As of this very moment, I, Miss Harper Lee, am calling on all of my friends from all around the world to join me in a driveway bath boycott. Are you with me?

38 Comments on “Beauty Break Problems”

  1. Rosy Rue says:

    Oh Miss Harper Lee – why dont you just werk it to your advantage. Think about it as modeling — imagine your beautiful photos are for the SI Swimsuit issue. You were selected because you are stunning and your fur has an amazing golden sheen when it is wet – (the dogs selected
    model in coats vs swimsuits) . I will advise Annie on this too. Have a fab day! RosyPoodleKisses!

    • Well, if anyone could pssibly see bath time through rose-colored glasses, it’s you, Rosy! But if I’m supposed to think of this whole bath experience as a modeling gig, I hope I get paid a lot of bones. 🙂

  2. MH Hatcher says:

    Oh my goodness – this is just too adorable!! I love you Harper Lee!!
    Mary Howard

    • Just don’t be surprised if one day there’s a knock on your door and you open it to find me on the mat with my little suitcase. I know you’d never ever make me endure the driveway bath. 🙂

  3. Kuruk says:

    Oh my Dog! My beauwooowooootiful Miss Lee, how dare your Mama humiliate you like that! If I could leave my Mama I would run the thousands of miles to youwoowooooo, chew your leash apart with my wolf-like jaws and free youwoowoooooooo from such horrible torture! Sending all my wuvwuvwuv! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, your almost-hero Ku

  4. Cinnamon says:

    How could she do that to you.
    I am signing a petition to outlaw driveways baths.
    and backyard baths too.
    Hope you got treats for being humiliated.

  5. Emmadog says:

    You poor thing. Mom won’t do that to us because she likes to use warm water for our baths. Only if we get into something nasty does a hose bath occur.

  6. I don’t have to endure that humiliation but I am with you all the way! Couldn’t she at least take you in the back yard?

    • Secretly, I thinks she likes have everyone walk by and see me all drenched and pitiful. If she ever got a look at herself while she’s bathing me, she might realize that they’re all looking at her!

  7. Harper Lee if you are ever arrested, we have your mugshot. But I bet you feel wonderful and smell oh, so good!

  8. Mama Jo knows all about the inching away thing. I am determined to design a elevated dog bath some day to save my back and keep you beasts contained. It will be suited for backyards not front driveways. Sorry Miss Harper Lee but you sure play pathetic well.

  9. Oh, bless your heart, Miss Harper Lee. Hmm…maybe you should pretend to be a child playing in the sprinkler, happily dashing around, laughing and prancing.

  10. You got such sad eyes but I bet you smell wonderful

  11. Yes, Missy, Marley, and Maddy are with you–only private tub baths for them 😉

  12. Ogee says:

    I know that face. And the minute they are done…it’s tail-wagging, shaking, half-crazed wiggle time!

  13. fredrieka says:

    I need to cool off but really that is cold water out of that hose WOOF brr shake run to warm up

  14. OMG, Miss HL. Those pictures are one in a million! I have never had a driveway bath because of no driveway and no hose. But I’d be happy to join the boycott and protest bathtub baths and baths of any kind. That includes brushing furs and brushing teeth…. And nail clipping and washing my face with a washcloth and cleaning my ears…. I’m in!

    Love and licks,

  15. cafall says:

    Monty and Harlow are joining you on your protest!

    Monty and Harlow

  16. Poor Miss Harper Lee! Driveway baths are tough, but much easier on the bathroom inside! We used to bath our Golden Tucker in the driveway but he was a leaner. He could definitely know me over with his lean. I always told him that he was like washing a diesel! We would blow him dry with the leaf blower and he loved it! Now, that brought some stares too. It’s not easy being gorgeous H.L.!

  17. I must say Miss Harper Lee that Mazie hates driveway baths also, but I find them safer for her than slipping and sliding in the slick bathtub and a lot less stressful than going to a groomer with all those barking and nervous dogs and blow dryers and grooming tables *shudder*. Not for my nervous big girl, it is the lesser of the evils so sorry my sweetie 😦 they have to stay in my world too.
    Marty’s Mom
    You look absolutely beautiful no matter wet or dry!

  18. Rebekah says:

    Driveway baths are so degrading. But you showed beauty and grace while being forced to endure this.

  19. writetowag says:

    You are just too beautiful to be blue!!!! Trev really enjoys his after bath naps!!!! Bet yours was awesome!!!!

  20. Count us in!! We are just mortified for you! You poor, poor girl! Now what is your flight number we’d hate to be late picking up from the airport.
    Wally & Sammy

  21. dogdaz says:

    It is a look and you know how to work it, Miss Harper Lee. At our house, Mommy keeps our hose downs behind the tall fence. Maybe your Mom can buy you a fence. – Sofie & Louise

  22. Oh, you just don’t know til you have undergone all the grooming I have to endure after a bath. And outside in front of neighbors. The hair flies!! Shavers, scissors, turn this way Cole! I have to shave your private area Cole! Lift your arm Cole! Poodles got it bad my friend. Still, all that smelly shampoo, we can all relate.
    LeeAnna Paylor and Cole the standard poodle

  23. Jan K says:

    Oh, Miss Lee, it sounds like the whole ordeal is hard on both you and your Mom. We do, however, keep our baths inside the privacy of our home (our driveway is dirt anyway so it wouldn’t work for us to do it out there). 🙂

  24. noahzbark says:

    I hope you know sweet Harper, your neighbors are not laughing AT you, they’re letting you know how much they enjoy seeing you & how beautiful you are wet or dry. xo

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