If Dogs Were Decorators

My friends at BarkBox recently ran a brilliant post on their BarkPost blog called “If Dogs Were Contractors: 7 Ingenious Ideas for a Pup-Friendly Home.” (Click here to check out their creative home and backyard design ideas.) My construction skills are slightly lacking, but I started wondering . . . if dogs were decorators, what little changes would we make to our homes to suit or special needs and desires? Here are just a few of my ideas.

1. If dogs were decorators, we would make all human beds close enough to the ground so we could jump up any time we want and take a nice comfy nap.

My humans have a bed that is very, very far off of the ground. My human mommy even has a little set of steps to help her get into the bed. And if my mommy needs a bit of help getting into the human bed, you can just imagine how impossible it is for me to jump up there any old time I’d like. I have to wait for my humans to give me a lift, and sadly friends that doesn’t happen nearly as often as I’d like. If I were a decorator, I would drop that bed down about half a foot. No, come to think of it, I’d just put the mattress right there smack dab down on the floor. And just try to keep me off of that comfy-yet-somehow-forbidden sleeping spot then, humans.

2. If dogs were decorators, we would replace all exits to the back yard with revolving doors.

Now this is one that I think even the humans could buy in to, but let me give you a dog’s perspective. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to have to wait for a human to open the door every single time we want to go out? And then we decide to come back in, and we have to hear all that human complaining about having to get up and open the door. And then we decide to go back out, and we have to hear all that human complaining about having to get up and open the door. And then we want to come in again, and we have to hear all that human complaining about having to get up and open the door. Well, you get the idea. Just imagine the bliss for everyone involved if we had a revolving door: Dogs go in and out at will, and humans stay seated doing whatever it is they do when they plop themselves down inside. True, there is the risk of an occasional dog tracking massive amounts of mud into the house, or even carrying in disgusting and unrecognizable carcasses of who-knows-what varmint, but that’s a pretty small price to pay for everyone’s happiness, right?

3. And while we’re talking about doors, if dogs were decorators all doors at the front of the house would have full-length glass and that glass would be clear.

Let’s face it, a whole lot of really interesting stuff happens outside of our front doors. Other dogs walk back and forth and back and forth and back and forth . . . just tormenting those of us who are stuck inside. And don’t even get me started on those people from the postal service, FedEx, and UPS. They have the nerve to walk right up to the front door . . . and even ring the bell. Then there are all those things that our humans tell us we’re just imagining . . . but we know they’re out there, right dogs? Now I’ll admit that I’m slightly lucky on this one. My favorite door at the front of my house does have full-length glass, but the glass has some really weird ridges and stuff that totally distort my view. If I were a decorator, I would insist that my humans replace that funny ridgy glass with crystal clear smooth glass so that I could plainly see every single thing that happens in front of my house. Some obnoxious barking might happen, but that is a small price for the humans to pay for my happiness.

4. Finally, if dogs were decorators all furniture would be covered at all times with dog sheets.

I don’t know about your house, but at my house human furniture is off-limits to me . . . unless of course my humans open the special drawer, pull out what we call “the dog sheet,” spread that magic sheet on the couch, and then invite me to join them for an evening of pure joy. Can you imagine a world where all furniture was covered at all times with dog sheets and dogs could hop up and enjoy said furniture at any old time? Without special preparation and an invitation? I’ll give you just a moment to think about that. Pretty incredible, right?

So if you’re a dog, what decorating touches would you add to your house to make it the perfect home?

And humans, what decorating touches have you so far resisted that you just know would make your dog even happier?

Or, perhaps I should put it this way humans: What decorating touches could you add that would make your home completely and totally go to the dogs?

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