Dear Animal Planet Network Executive Person:
I am writing to you today to pitch an idea for a reality television show that I think would be the pawfect (get it?) addition to your network’s lineup. The title of my proposed show is “Doggy Style.” Now I will readily admit that my idea is absolutely in no way original. In fact, it is a direct rip-off of Lifetime’s “Project Runway.” If you’re not familiar with that show, you should be. I mean, you’re a big-time television executive. But maybe you’ve just been too busy producing “Hillbilly Handfishin'” or “It’s Me or the Dog” (is that really even a question?), so let me help you out. On “Project Runway,” talented (and some not-so-talented) humans design and sew outfits for other humans. The outfits have to fit into some sort of weekly challenge theme. Each week the designer of the worst outfit is eliminated, and eventually you have a winner. I’ve probably oversimplified, but you get the idea. For “Doggy Style,” we could get about a dozen dogs and their humans and make the humans design doggy outfits based on weekly challenge themes. I’ve even thought of a few challenge themes for you:
The Resort Challenge
For this challenge, the human would have to design an outfit that would be suitable for his or her dog to wear at a resort. The outfit could be something for a ski lodge or, as I am modeling here, the perfect ensemble for that island getaway.
The Collegiate Challenge
Are you ready for some football? In this challenge, the humans design something that would be appropriate for game day on a college campus. Here I am modeling the perfect look for LSU Tiger tailgating. My tiger-striped bandana is understated yet stylish.
The Holiday Challenge
Here I offer an example of what would easily and quite quickly get a not-so-talented human eliminated. Is this not the most dreadful holiday look you have ever seen? I was mortified.
This, on the other hand, is what we are going for in the holiday challenge. Fourth of July fireworks if I do say so myself.
The Red Carpet Challenge
Television audiences love glamour, so we’ll give them what we want with our Red Carpet Challenge. What dog doesn’t love sequins, lace, and feathers? Ok, to be honest, unless those feathers are on a bird I suppose most dogs couldn’t care less about feathers, but we’re doing this episode for the ratings. Trust me on this one.
The PetSmart Challenge
I feel the need to tell you that my final challenge idea is brilliant. (It’s not being conceited if it’s true.) There is a chance that “Doggy Style” could be a bit pricy to produce, so we are going to need a little corporate sponsorship, and that’s where our friends at PetSmart come in. The humans will use those cute little bandanas from the grooming salon–as many as they want–to design couture looks for their pooches. I cannot wait to see our four-legged models strut their stuff in these creations. This episode is sure to be an Animal Planet ratings bonanza!
So there you have it, Animal Planet Network Executive Person. I feel fairly certain that you are going to want to greenlight “Doggy Style” immediately–it’s just what your fall lineup needs–so I will be waiting by the phone for your call.
Miss Harper Lee