On the Third Day of Christmas: Rain, Rain, and More Rain

Third Day of Christmas 1 thek9harperlee

And on the third day of Christmas . . . it rained buckets. The weather humans said to expect more rain tomorrow and more of the same next weekend. So my human mommy decided that it was time for me to have my very first raincoat, and she set off for PetSmart to do some shopping.

Third Day of Christmas 2 thek9harperlee

A little while later, Mommy came home with three possibilities. This was my favorite, but there was just one small problem: Turns out I’m not an extra-large girl. I’m an extra-extra-large girl. The horror! The sizing must be off, right? Or maybe I’m a little bloated from the holidays, right? Actually, I’m not so much big as I am long. I know, I know, I know . . . that’s what they all say. But really, I am kind of an extra-long girl . . . or make that extra-extra-long girl. Unfortunately, there’s slim pickings at the store when it comes to garments for extra-extra-large girls, so Mommy turned to those Amazon people, who seem to have everything in every size. My new coat should be here next week. Hopefully, it will fit. Until then, maybe I’ll cut down slightly on the treats.

Why I Love Fall

Fall leaves thek9harperlee

I absolutely and positively love fall. Cooler temperatures mean longer and more frequent walks. Crisp days are perfect for lounging on the lawn. Tiny sticks start to fall from the trees like manna from heaven. But do you know my favorite thing about fall?

Love fall 2 thek9harperlee

The arrival of autumn marks the end of the dreaded driveway bath. A couple of weeks ago, I endured what I hope will be my final humiliation . . . at least for several months to come.

Love fall 3 thek9harperlee

Yes, friends, I put on a brave face. I held my head high, drenched and dripping, as people and dogs walked by . . . and gawked.

Love fall 1 thek9harperlee

I’ll admit that I even fantasized, briefly, about subjecting my humans to such treatment. How would they like it if I paraded them on the driveway . . . wet and naked . . . for all the world to see?

Love fall 4 thek9harperlee

I suspect that my human mommy read my mind, and then she did this to me.

Love fall 6 thek9harperlee

But as I began to air dry, I realized that things were looking up for me. Fall was knocking on the door, ready to rescue me from the dreaded driveway bath and its accompanying humiliation.

Love fall 7 thek9harperlee

I hear that my next bath will be courtesy of the PetSmart groomers. We call that “going to the spa.” I think a spa bath is far more my speed, don’t you? Thank you, fall. I love you!

Harper Lee from A to Z: O is for OBEDIENT

O1 thek9harperlee

I am a very obedient girl. I ought to be. I’ve been attending training classes since I was six months old . . . that’s more than four and a half years of school. I started with the beginner class, completed the intermediate class, and graduated from the advanced class. Then some of the humans in our group decided that they wanted to continue with training. To be honest with you, we dogs really had all the commands mastered, but I guess the humans decided that they could use a little more work. Anyway, I’ve been doing what my human mommy likes to call “post-graduate work” ever since.

O2 thek9harperlee

Here’s a class picture from about two years ago. That’s me on the left with my classmates (from left to right) Lexi, Hazel, and Raven. Don’t we look like an obedient group? I’m going to let you in on a little secret. At the beginning of the class, our trainer teaches whatever new command we’re working on to all of the dogs. That takes about five minutes. Piece of cake. Then, for the next 55 minutes, our trainer works with the humans in hopes that they too can learn the command, which has led me to this conclusion: Humans tend to be slightly less obedient than dogs.

This post is part of the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge. See you tomorrow!

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Harper Lee from A to Z: F is for FUZZY

F thek9harperlee

My feet are a bit overly fuzzy at the moment. During summertime, my human mommy bathes me in the driveway. Why do humans think that it’s acceptable to bathe dogs in the driveway? Honestly humans, it’s humiliating. How would you like it if we dogs decided to bathe you right out there in the open for everyone to see? But I digress.

During the cold winter months, I get to go to PetSmart for my baths. We call it “going to the spa,” and I usually have mani-pedis when I visit the spa. The nice groomers trim my nails and clip the fuzzy hair from around my feet. I must say my feet are quite attractive when they’ve been groomed. But for some unknown reason, Mommy decided that I didn’t need a mani-pedi on my last spa visit. Just between you and me, I think Mommy might be a little jealous when it comes to my spa visits. I’m far more pampered than she is, and usually while I’m getting beautiful at the spa she’s at home cleaning the house.

So, thanks to the lack of a mani-pedi on my last spa visit, my feet look like this. Something tells me that I’ll get one more spa visit before my summertime driveway baths begin . . . and I have a feeling that I’ll get the mani-pedi package.

This post is part of the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge. See you tomorrow!

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“Doggy Style”

computer girl thek9harperlee

Dear Animal Planet Network Executive Person:

I am writing to you today to pitch an idea for a reality television show that I think would be the pawfect (get it?) addition to your network’s lineup. The title of my proposed show is “Doggy Style.” Now I will readily admit that my idea is absolutely in no way original. In fact, it is a direct rip-off of Lifetime’s “Project Runway.” If you’re not familiar with that show, you should be. I mean, you’re a big-time television executive. But maybe you’ve just been too busy producing “Hillbilly Handfishin'” or “It’s Me or the Dog” (is that really even a question?), so let me help you out. On “Project Runway,” talented (and some not-so-talented) humans design and sew outfits for other humans. The outfits have to fit into some sort of weekly challenge theme. Each week the designer of the worst outfit is eliminated, and eventually you have a winner. I’ve probably oversimplified, but you get the idea. For “Doggy Style,” we could get about a dozen dogs and their humans and make the humans design doggy outfits based on weekly challenge themes. I’ve even thought of a few challenge themes for you:

The Resort Challenge

Island Dog 1 thek9harperlee

For this challenge, the human would have to design an outfit that would be suitable for his or her dog to wear at a resort. The outfit could be something for a ski lodge or, as I am modeling here, the perfect ensemble for that island getaway.

The Collegiate Challenge

LSU GameDay--Geaux Tigers!

Are you ready for some football? In this challenge, the humans design something that would be appropriate for game day on a college campus. Here I am modeling the perfect look for LSU Tiger tailgating. My tiger-striped bandana is understated yet stylish.

The Holiday Challenge

Halloween Costume 2 thek9harperlee

Here I offer an example of what would easily and quite quickly get a not-so-talented human eliminated. Is this not the most dreadful holiday look you have ever seen? I was mortified.

Fourth 2 thek9harperlee

This, on the other hand, is what we are going for in the holiday challenge. Fourth of July fireworks if I do say so myself.

The Red Carpet Challenge

Fur Ball 8 thek9harperlee

Television audiences love glamour, so we’ll give them what we want with our Red Carpet Challenge. What dog doesn’t love sequins, lace, and feathers? Ok, to be honest, unless those feathers are on a bird I suppose most dogs couldn’t care less about feathers, but we’re doing this episode for the ratings. Trust me on this one.

 The PetSmart Challenge

PetSmart thek9harperlee

I feel the need to tell you that my final challenge idea is brilliant. (It’s not being conceited if it’s true.) There is a chance that “Doggy Style” could be a bit pricy to produce, so we are going to need a little corporate sponsorship, and that’s where our friends at PetSmart come in. The humans will use those cute little bandanas from the grooming salon–as many as they want–to design couture looks for their pooches. I cannot wait to see our four-legged models strut their stuff in these creations. This episode is sure to be an Animal Planet ratings bonanza!

So there you have it, Animal Planet Network Executive Person. I feel fairly certain that you are going to want to greenlight “Doggy Style” immediately–it’s just what your fall lineup needs–so I will be waiting by the phone for your call.


Miss Harper Lee

Retail Therapy

Retail 1 thek9harperlee

Earlier this week, I had a bit of a Big Dog hangover. I know exactly what you’re thinking and, after my post on hitting the bottle, I don’t blame you; but it wasn’t that kind of hangover.

NOLA 1 thek9harperlee

Last weekend, my humans went to New Orleans without me. I was initially slightly miffed that they would go to one of my very favorite cities and leave me at home. Then they gave me the excellent news: While they were running around the French Quarter taking pictures of beautiful buildings, eating fantastic food, listening to excellent music, and indulging in the occasional cocktail, I would be staying with my friends The Big Dogs (Sunshine, Maggie, and Kenai) and their humans (Miss Gaye and Mr. Frank). Well, I could hardly contain my excitement because I love, love, love staying with The Big Dogs. There is always something fun happening at their house, and I had the very best time. Then I came home–boring, boring, boring–and that’s when The Big Dog hangover hit. After three mopey days, Mommy decided it was time to do what girls do when they need to lift their spirits: retail therapy. But not just any retail therapy. Retail therapy at PetSmart.

PetSmart 2 thek9harperlee

I spent some time looking at clothes, but there just aren’t a lot of choices for “large” girls like me.

PetSmart 1 thek9harperlee

I looked at toys, and some of the toys looked right back at me. That was a little intimidating.

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I think I made some excellent choices (just FYI, the poo poo bags were Mommy’s choice) and I was much, much happier when we got home.

Retail 4 thek9harperlee

This morning I spent a little time playing with my new Frisbee. It’s my very first one, and I love it.

Retail 5 thek9harperlee

I could have chased and retrieved that Frisbee all day, but my humans got a little tired.

Retail 6 thek9harperlee

To be perfectly honest with you, I was also getting a little tired. So I curled up on my bed with Parrot. The weather humans are predicting a rainy weekend (I think they may actually be right this time), so Parrot and I plan on spending lot of time in this position. I am extremely happy to report that my Big Dog hangover is a thing of the past. I am also happy to say that retail therapy can be a very successful remedy for the puppy dog blues.